My academic portfolio went to kinkos today for binding in leather–does sound a bit kinky. Another name for graduation is commencement, a new beginning. On this dark moon Saturday, I consider the last two years of my life and the changes of perspective that have come with the ups and downs.
From the top of a roller coaster, you can see the whole park, that is, if you are not too scared to look out across the area. If you are focused on the next corner or the impending drop, you won’t see a thing. Sometimes the roller coaster moves you so fast that you can’t focus on anything, and sometimes it takes you into the dark where you can’t see anything, especially if your eyes are accustomed to brilliant sunlight.
I feel like the rider in a middle car, when the ride is near the end. It’s been fun, and there is a bit of a let-down while I wait for the bar to be released. I think about the glimpses of the wider world that I have had in my cross-country travels, which makes my present life seem small indeed. I think about the bone rattling turns and twists of reorganization at work, my desk in a new location with a new job title every time I returned from the far left coast. I chuckle to see the similarities of the small college where I work and the smaller still college where I will commence, even as I mutter imprecations about them.
What I am sure of at the end of this ride is that I don’t want to stand in line any more to ride a pre-determined track that brings me right back where I started every time.
I am different. I can’t put my finger on how, but there is a restlessness to be doing something different, to see some results of my efforts. To feel that the developing changes are worthwhile, as valuable as the cost of time, effort and student loans.
But as I always say, if learning something doesn’t change your whole word view, you haven’t learned much.