Sometimes I get truth from the least likely places.
“Do you ever feel invisible?” asked the woman on the radio.
She assured me that her skin cream would make me radiant, and people would see me again. I wondered for a minute if I would be radiant as in radioactive…shining blue in the night. Would people be able to see me, or only hear a faint Geiger counter sound as I walked by.
I walked past two women today at my favorite garden, and they acted as if they didn’t see me. Maybe they are just not from the Southern USA and don’t know that they should acknowledge other people. But I think I was invisible.
I’m not that hard to see. In fact, I’d be hard to miss. One of my challenges is to have a normal sized body, not to be fat. However, one of my deepest fears is that if I lose weight, down to what the weight charts say a person my height and age should weigh, that I would disappear. That I will be invisible.
This is obviously some deep-seated neurosis, but the commercial had me thinking.
What would make me invisible? I think the answer is that I have not been full of myself lately (no comment on what I might be full of).
Think of a child playing in joy and exuberance: she’s full of herself.
If your are full of yourself, you are not invisible. It’s not the noise you make, or the application of emollients or any other outer circumstances.
Being visible means being full of yourself, being fully present now and here. How can you receive the gift of the present if you aren’t present?
My answer to my weight problem is to be full of me…not chocolate, fried chicken or banana pudding. I need to be full of myself, fully present, and thinking about what I do want, instead of what I don’t want. One, I would not notice if someone else did not acknowledge me, because I would be busily involved in living my own life.
More importantly, however, in being fully present myself, I might notice others, acknowledge them, and let them know they are not invisible. Or I might just observe them and write them into my next novel.